Another drama filled family event

Okay so I went to my nephews birthday party yesterday. That was extremely uncomfortable. My mom told both of my brothers of the argument that we had concerning her not telling me about my woman issues. I have worked for 5 years to get a relationship with my brother. This all started just after my dad died. My sister in law accused me of saying something that I didn’t say and EVERYONE (mom, brothers, aunts, uncles etc. ) EVERYONE believed her so I stood alone with everyone pointing their fingers at me. This has messed me up emotionally big time. And I have wasted several years of my life worrying and freaking out about my family. We finally patched things up several months ago and I was experiencing the relationship with my brother that I have always wanted to have. And then my mom tells him about our argument (I personally have kept my issues with my mom, with my mom and no one else) I am again on the shit list. But back to my nephews birthday party. My brother told my mom to tell me that I was not allowed to start any drama while I was there (I have never done so). So while at the party, my brother only talked to me in short sentences, and with no eye contact. It was great, I think I am going to just start sending presents in the mail. I love my nephews, but this is occupying too much of my life. And I have a life to live.

There is always something to stress about

So AF just showed up.  I'm dissapointed in a weird way.  I and DH have decided that we want to keep trying, but not spend our lives and life savings in the Doctors office.  I don't feel like I have given up, but it does.  It has definetly relieved a lot of pressure off of myself.  My infertile brain was saying to myself at about 8 dpo, hey I haven't been stressed about it maybe this is going to be it!! Whatever.  My sister in law didn't invite me to my nephews Birthday.  I'm sure I pissed them off again in some way that I don't even remember or care to.  I am so tired of trying with my brothers, and they don't even give a shit. I live 3 hours away, and I am the one who always has to drive.  The last time I saw my brothers was when I went to one of their sons basketball games (three hours for a game).  I love being an Aunt.  I know I was stupid when I was younger we all were, but let me grow up and move on from my mistakes!! I am sure that I will blog about the relationship with my brothers which is twisted, and screwed up, and frustrating because no matter how they ignore me for months and treat me like shit, I still love them and I know I will always love them more than they love me.

life just sucks right now

Okay so my life officially sucks ass!!  After our fertility dr appt I call my mom to tell  her about the appt saying how he is hopeful even though I only have 1 tube, and she stops me and sais I remember they took out the oppoosite ovary as well don't you remember? WTF no I dont!!! I have spent 14 years dealing with my decreased chances and all of a sudden I dont even have a matched set!  Long story short I have been a wreck for a couple weeks and my husband was visiting his parents where his sister is living with the baby she didnt even try for.  My life has felt like crap lately.  I went to a new regular dr today and the form has you fill out past surgeries I put right ovary and left fallopian tube removed, she then asks me well you definetly don't have any kids.  I then state well we are trying and she then tells me how is possible.  I proceed to burst into tears I feel like I am giving up hope.