The hardest pill for infertiles to swallow is... Pregnant Relatives

When we announced to our families that we were trying for a baby, I was so happy. I had waited so long to tell people we were even trying. I knew it would probably be an uphill battle, but who cares we were at least talking about it. When people would ask us about kids, I could say YES! We are trying. Then 2 months later when my sister in law told everyone she was 6 months pregnant (turned out to be 9-months, but that is another story) I was crushed I was so stressed out about the whole situation. A week after she announced it was Thanksgiving, they had asked us months ago to come over and for me to cook. I love cooking Thanksgiving dinner; I look forward to it every year. She was showing and it took everything in me to not start crying. I pretended to “Sleep” a lot after dinner, but was secretly crying. When my brother’s wives got pregnant, I was so happy for them, and excited for the baby. I feel so bad because my pain of my infertility is so tied to my sister in law. I have always liked her; we have always gotten along well. She is very girly so that is awkward, but it was good. I have come so far since she announced she was pregnant. I did not want my husband to ever see or talk to her again. I felt like she was a HUGE reminder of my failures and inadequacies. I have never felt envy toward any other pregnant woman before or since, but I cannot seem to shake it. She will be coming to live with us for a week before her husband comes home from Iraq, and I am hoping that I can get this out in the open. In addition, hopefully this will help me. I hate carrying around this envy and hatred, I do not want to, I try not to, but it is still there.